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Plan for raising the children before permanent orders are issued

Parents who are going through a divorce still have to make sure that the children are taken care of. Before the final child custody orders are finalized, there might be temporary orders issued.

Regardless of what type of order you have in your case, you and your ex need to work together to raise the children. This is often difficult because you and your ex probably have issues with each other because of the divorce. Consider these tips to help you out while you are adjusting to working with an ex on child custody matters:

Discover ways to help your children

A divorce is a big deal for children. Essentially, the security they've become used to for their entire life is gone. You have to find ways to help them adjust to the new way of life. How you do this depends on your children's needs, preferences and age. Pay attention to what your children are saying and doing so that you can try to figure out how to help.

Try to be consistent

Consistency is the key for many children, especially younger children who don't have the ability to cope with change like older children. If you can, work with your ex to determine how both homes can work to keep things consistent. Think about aspects like bedtime, naps and wake up time when you are trying to determine how you can have similarities between the routines.

Discuss common rules

It is very unlikely that you and your ex will have the exact same rules for both homes. There might be some major rules that both homes will share. Examples of this include having to brush teeth before bed or having a specific curfew. Discuss these with your ex so that the rules can be enforced in both homes. You also need to respect the fact that different rules exist for the other home, just like your ex needs to respect that you have different regulations at your home.

Communicate in private

When you are discussing points that might become heated with your ex, make sure that you are in a private space. Your children don't need to know all of the dirty details of the relationship between parents. Make sure that you don't vent to your child, even if the child is of an age you feel he or she can "handle" the truth. Your ex is still your child's parent so remember that a bond will always remain there. Additionally, you shouldn't try to use your child as a messenger.

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