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East Bay Family Law Blog

Would you consider bird's-nest custody?

When negotiating your California divorce, to find the solutions that are the best fit for your family, you sometimes have to think outside of the box. If the two of you are struggling to agree on custody arrangements, it might be time to consider bird's-nest custody.

With this type of custody, the kids don't have to transition from mom's house to dad's place. Instead, they continue to live in the family home while the parents move in and out during their time with the children.

Choosing a child custody schedule can be complicated

Sharing children with an ex isn't always an easy situation, but deciding that you want it to work for the good of the kids is a step in the right direction. One of the most important things you can do is to remember that the only focus has to be the children.

Once you let go of the things that led to the divorce, you will probably find that it is a lot easier to make sure that you're doing what's best for the kids. It might not be easy to let go of everything, so you may just have to learn to focus on how your ex parents instead of thinking about what happened in your marriage.

How can you reduce the stress of every divorce?

Divorces come in a variety of forms. Some people get along through the divorce process and work toward the common goal of ending the marriage. Others just can't agree on anything, so everything becomes a battle.

No matter which type of divorce you're in, ensure that you're doing what you can to reduce the contention and lessen your stress. Determining your steps wil depend on your unique circumstances.

How to co-parent your children like a pro

The biggest challenge of co-parenting is the fact that there's no playbook you can follow. It's up to you, your ex and your children to figure things out along the way, and that can often result in mistakes, mix-ups and hurt feelings.

You won't be perfect when it comes to co-parenting, but here are some tips you can follow to get on the right track:

  • Don't make everything about you: Your personal feelings, wants and needs are important, but a focus on your children is what matters most. When you make everything about you, you're more likely to upset your ex and focus on things that don't really matter.
  • Be flexible with schedules: Yes, you created a parenting agreement and visitation schedule. And yes, you want to follow the terms and conditions as closely and as often as possible. Just make sure you also remember the importance of flexibility. There will be times when you or your ex needs to adjust a schedule.
  • Communicate efficiently: If you don't have a clear method of communication in place, your ability to successfully co-parent will suffer. Try everything from phone calls to text messages to email communication, and don't stop until you settle on something that works for the two of you.
  • Choose your battles wisely: When co-parenting, you can find something to argue about every day of the week. But if you do this, it will put additional strain on you, your ex and your children. There are times when it's worth confronting your ex and times when you're better off letting things go.
  • Give yourself time off: For example, when your children are spending the weekend with your ex, take time to recharge. Taking care of your mind and body allows you to be a better parent in the future.

Don't let the past cause stress in your divorce

Even when a divorce is expected, both parties are likely going through a range of emotions. This can make it difficult to handle everything as you move forward through the process. For some people, the initial realization that the marriage is over is the catalyst for very strong feeling that can make it hard to handle things in a reasonable manner.

If you are struggling with the situation, take the time to reevaluate where you are in life and find suitable answers to the issues that are causing strife. There are some options that you have that deal directly with the divorce that can help you in these areas.

Cooperating with your ex can protect your work and parenting time

As a professional adult, you have likely experienced first-hand the difficulty that can arise from trying to balance your personal life with your professional one. Job demands can be unforgiving when you work as a lawyer, engineer or physician, to name a few professions.

Trying to carve out enough time for your spouse and kids when your family lives together can seem difficult. After a divorce, shared custody considerations can make life even more complicated for you and your family. Some professional parents worry that their career demands will prevent the courts from giving them a comfortable amount of parenting time when compared with their ex.

Some things don't change after divorce if you have children

The process of divorce requires you to go through some major changes. Your romantic interest in your ex is over and you have to learn how to move forward with your life. You might not feel prepared to handle the challenges that are coming if you share children with your imminent ex.

Some of things that you associate with divorce might not happen if you have kids together. Being prepared for these when the process starts can help you to address them so that you are able to continue to move forward.

3 tips to reduce stress during divorce

A divorce is an often complicated process for the parties involved. When you are in this position, you have to ensure that you are making the best decisions possible. Even though there are bound to be challenges, there isn't a reason for it to become a battle.

Trying to keep the divorce as calm as possible is beneficial for everyone involved. You will still feel some of the intense emotions, but you might not feel as stressed during the process. There are several things you can do if you want to encourage a relaxed divorce.

Fighting for your custody rights without hurting your kids

Going through California divorce will be very hard on you and your ex, as well as on the kids. In the average divorce, both parents want to maximize the amount of time they get to spend with their kids. That can often lead to bitter, contentious fighting before and during divorce proceedings.

The more intense the disagreements between you and your ex become, the harder the divorce may be on your kids. Thankfully, there are ways to advocate for your rights as a parent without doing emotional or psychological damage to your kids.

Take care of yourself when you go through a divorce

A divorce is a stressful time in a person's life, but it isn't one that comes with much time to rest. You have to continue on with normal life, figure out how to meet life's needs and work through the process of legally ending the marriage. Add in the emotional challenges and you have even more difficulties.

During this time, it is imperative that you practice self-care so that you aren't in a bad spot as you embark on your single life. If you have children, they will see you taking care of yourself and know that this is important for everyone no matter what situation they have going on at the time.

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