Coming to the realization that your marriage is over isn’t an easy one for anyone. There are times when one spouse realizes that they aren’t happy but the other is still living in the land of bliss. This is a challenging situation and one that requires careful planning.

One of the things you are going to have to do if you are in this situation is let your spouse know that you want a divorce. The emotions involved will make it difficult, but you will likely feel better once you get everything off your chest.

Think about your concerns

Before you can talk to your spouse, you need to think about the reasons you aren’t happy. It might help you to list these out. Note if there have been any steps taken to rectify the situation. This can help ensure that you truly do want to file the divorce, but it can also provide an outline of things to discuss when you sit your spouse down to let them know that you want to end the marriage.

Plan when you will speak up

This is a major discussion that is best handled when you can speak privately with your spouse. If you have children, you might consider making sure that they aren’t home at the time. Ideally, you won’t need to have this discussion in a public place like a restaurant. There is a good chance that emotions are going to soar, so being home can give you and your spouse the space you need to deal with this situation. The exception is if you feel your safety is in danger. In that case, find a safe place, even if it means having a neutral third party present when you make this announcement.

Remain calm and be willing to discuss the matter

Remember, this is big, life-changing news that you are sharing with someone who loves you. Try to remain calm when you tell them. They might be shocked and may react in a negative manner. No matter what, don’t meet their reaction with anger.

In some cases, people want to discuss the matter before they accept that the marriage is over. Be prepared to answer questions and have a two-sided discussion. If you don’t have any interest in trying to work things out, be forward about this from the start. Giving false hope isn’t ever a good idea.

Once you have let your spouse know that you want to divorce, you can get the paperwork filed. Make sure that you understand the process in California so that you can prepare for what’s to come. This likely won’t be quick or simple, so get ready to take things one step at a time.